Sometimes its difficult to believe we actually speak the same language as the British. Most of us know about some of the more common differences: lorry = truck, biscuit = cookie, chips = fries, and so on. Imagine my laughter when I saw the BBC headline "Great Tits Cope Well With Warming."

It still hurts to breathe.

Now the great tit is actually a small bird found all over Europe and they have been studied for decades. The finding that British populations of the bird were adapting to global climate temperatures was good news, but other bird species are not adapting as well. Most people have no idea how important birds are to our existence. They help spread seeds, control insect populations, rid us of rodents and roadkill and other vital functions.

Even though it made me laugh, the article also made me think about human activity and its impact on non-human species. That impact isn't funny and we should all strive to reduce our carbon footprint. If we don't change now, we may not have funny headlines to laugh at in the future.

Today it was announced that the genome for the Duck-Billed Platypus had been sequenced. Which is fancy scientist talk for "we now think we know what the hell happened when this thing was created." Here is the article complete with cute video of a Platypus rolling around in the water: BBC Platy article.

I've always had an odd fascination with Monotremes. Probably because there are only two species, the afore-mentioned Platypus and the Echidna, in that category. Both are native to Australia (land of really cool and weird animals made from God's leftovers) and both are egg-layers like reptiles. The Platy is easily the most interesting of the two because it comes with a bonus: it's venomous. Essentially it's a biologists wet dream.

So, you've got a bill like a duck, tail like a beaver, body like an otter, uses electrical sensors to navigate, venomous, etc. Seriously, how cool is that?

To the koala, kangaroo and other Aussie mammals: sorry mates, the Platypus has my vote as world's coolest animal.

For more facts about the Platypus visit http://www.dpiw.tas.gov.au/inter.nsf/WebPages/BHAN-53573T?open

The "shelter" is suspending the SCATE (Stanislaus County Alternative To Euthanasia) program. The SCATE program provided low-cost spay/neuter surgeries via a $50 voucher. It also included a rabies shot, microchip and license. So why would they suspend such a great service? It wasn't for lack of interest.

Quite the opposite. It was so popular, the budget wizards decided to suspend it and when it is reinstated it will be at a higher price. Makes loads of sense right?

Suppose we took all of the money and spayed or neutered animals instead of impounding, housing, feeding and killing all of their offspring?

Just a thought.

My dog Mulan is an "Alpha" female. With a capital A. She rules over the herd with an iron paw and keeps everyone in line. She has this very low growl that she uses to communicate with the boys and it is very effective. If one of them has something she wants, she will get right in their face, growl. and wait for them to to give up. Usually they stand dead still and slowly look away, while she plucks whatever it was she wanted from their paws. To add insult to injury she will usually plop down in front of them and commence chewing.

She is wonderful with kids and is one of my classroom presentation mainstays. I can always rely on her to behave around children and she has these goofy ears no one can resist. Add a wrinkly face, a chubby body with a short, stiff waggy tail and you have a cartoon in the making. Unfortunately, her waistline and mine have been expanding at the same rate lately. Oh well, once you get to a certain age you grow outward instead of upward.

Mulan is the only dog that I fostered that I knew I had no intention of adopting out. Something about her struck me as compelling and I had to have her. Here is one of the first photos I saw of Mulan. It was taken at the Lancaster shelter, a very high kill facility.



Mulan had been used as a brood bitch in a puppy mill. The first two and a half years of her life were spent in a cage producing puppies. Sadly, Mulan has several health issues that were likely passed on to her offspring. Shar Pei are prone to a number of disorders and they are almost always hereditary. Mulan had a really bad case of entropion (the eyelids turn inward) which left scarring on her corneas. Her eyesight isn't very good as a result. I tell people she can see "shapes, shadows and cats."

I have many many stories about Mulan and will be posting them every once in a while. Stay tuned because some of them are pretty hilarious. Meanwhile...Here she is now (with a rare display of both ears up):

This is why it's hard for me to have a bad day...

I wasn't feeling particularly inspired to write today. Some days I get so many phone calls about abandoned and stray animals that I lose my objectivity. Most of them sound so similar that I can't really distinguish one from the rest: "My cat is pregnant. My cat had kittens. I found this cat, this dog, these kittens, ad nauseam."

I understand that having a pet without much money is tough. I'm self-employed and I am constantly fighting to keep up financially with my responsibilities. Giving up my pets is not an option. Having them is what keeps me going most of the time. Fortunately, they don't require me to deal with school registration, back-to-school sales, non-stop cookie dough fundraisers (thank God because I'm fat enough) and all the stress and drama that is being a parent.

Without providing low- or no-cost spay and neuter services to the community, the tide will never be stemmed. Imagine the story about the Little Dutch Boy plugging a leak in a dike with his finger and you can guess the scope of the problem in this county. For most people, the $50 SCATE (SCATE is a county spay/neuter program) Voucher is too expensive and too difficult to obtain. With the current economic issues facing us, fifty dollars is the difference between feeding your family and getting Fluffy fixed. Fluffy will always lose that competition; and also Fluffy's offspring.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and while it looks to me like an oncoming train, at times; I also keep in mind that oncoming train could well transport us to a better place.

Martha Stewart has always been a great source of amusement for me. Seriously, who has time to gild pinecones and decoupage the refrigerator? It's just not normal! But I will give Martha credit for being a great pet owner. She didn't run around with a chihuahua of the week hanging out of her handbag (woven by pygmies from sustainably harvested gnu hair, of course.)

Saturday, April 12, her 13-year-old Chow Chow, Paw Paw passed away. She posted this wonderful tribute on her webpage: Paw Paw Memorial.

Now while I'm sure he was wrapped in a 1,500 threadcount silk cloth spun from worms fed exclusively on beluga caviar and small children, the writing is heartfelt and touching. Martha loves her pets.

And that's a good thing.

The county board of supervisors approved moving ahead with construction of a new animal shelter. Frankly, I think its a waste. It seems that everyone is jumping on the bandwagon (again) and failing to seek other options to improve the conditions there. I would love to see a state of the art, clean and well run facility; unfortunately it's not a realistic vision when schools and other public services are being slashed to the bone.

Imagine, for example, providing free or very low cost spay and neuter services; fewer animals means less overcrowding. For $1 million you can purchase 2 fully equipped and stocked mobile spay/neuter clinics and pay the salaries for 2 veterinarians.

Does it make sense to keep widening the highway, when what we really need is to take cars off the road? Without an agressive spay/neuter policy we will be constantly scrambling to keep up.

I put together a paper that analyzed the issues pertaining to the shelter and no one at the county was interested in trying any of the proposed solutions. The solutions I proposed are not new; but they work. Several shelters that I have visited over the years have made huge improvements, without building a new shelter. In fact, they saw very little financial impact on city and county budgets.

The "New Shelter" mantra is flawed and wasteful in a time of serious fiscal crisis. The county "leadership" needs to take off the blinders, set aside the egos and avarice, and look at proven solutions. Until then, the bodies of innocent pets will continue to fill the barrels in the "shelter's" freezer.

I'm trying to do my taxes. Really. But sometimes it easier to catch up on the latest celebrity gossip, forward silly pictures or clean up dog poop. As much as I dislike cleaning litter boxes, it's way more tempting than dealing with the IRS. At least I can deduct the purchase of a poop scoop. Not many people can do that...

Yesterday, I drove a van load of shelter dogs up to Butte County Humane in Chico. You can read about it here: HSSC Rescue Run. Since nearly all of the dogs were pulled directly from the kennels, they were not exactly producing that "fresh from the groomer" aroma. Cargo vans lack good ventilation which doesn't help.

The drive was rather uncomfortable due to the design of the van. Everytime the wind blew or a semi went by, we were buffeted. Imagine driving a sail...without a boat...on cheap tires...with bad shocks...loaded with crates full of scared dogs (one of whom serenaded us with her high pitched yelping the whole way.) Yeah, there's an image. Some of the dogs reacted accordingly. At least the messes were confined to their crates.

So today I will unload all of the crates, hose them down, disinfect them and await the next run. As long as I keep forgetting to take allergy medicine the drive should be pretty pleasant. Although I will definitely pack earplugs.

Remember Charlie? The handsome boy that charmed the seniors at Seasons? Well, Charlie now lives with Roberta Haeberle, Bill Haeberle's daughter. Roberta decided to take a vacation (I've heard of this vacation stuff, but I'm not exactly sure what it is...) so Charlie is hanging out at the Island of Misfit Pei. We've renamed the living room "Camp Charlie" because he is camped out on the dog bed he claimed.

I enjoy having Charlie around, except I forgot one thing. He loves the pond. Great...now I'm constantly mopping up behind a stinky, wet dog. This was supposed to be the week when I was supposed to be able to thoroughly clean the house. At some point, I may just give up and after a few years call Kim and Aggie from "How Clean Is Your House?"

Problem is....I really can't see myself in pink rubber gloves with feathers and sequins. Can you?

My dog Bernie is blind. Most people can't tell because he is very well adapted. He has a remarkably calm temperament, too. Yesterday, he had a two-year-old boy try to pick his nose, chew on his tail and generally annoy and harass him. He took it all with great aplomb and I'm sure he was glad when we finally escaped.

Overall, Bernie has an amazingly mellow personality. I do suspect though that its a cover for his evil genius, lulling me (and cats) into a false sense of security. Today, I went to the store for a few food items and was able to safely transport them home with Jesse in the car. Despite the presence of fresh baked pane rustico, Jesse was very well-behaved and disregarded its presence. This from a guy that can smell a Greenie through 15 layers of plastic.

I got home and unloaded the stuff and took it all into the house. Since I can't carry everything, I picked up the two bags with frozen/cold stuff and carried them to the kitchen, leaving the grocery tote with the bread by the front door. I set the two bags on the counter, turned around to go get the bread bag and saw a brown streak tearing past me with a suspiciously bread shaped object in his mouth. The chase was on!

I ran after him and how he made it out the dog door with that loaf in his mouth is a mystery. A quick chase around the yard and I was able to retrieve it with only a few holes in it. Needless to day I won't be inviting guests to join me for dinner...

In the last two weeks, I have placed two litters of kittens with bottle-feeders. The little critters were barely a few days old but I think they will all make it. Fortunately, being bottlefed means they will be friendly with humans. Both mama cats were feral; one gave birth in a trap and the other in someone's back yeard. The trapped mama was spayed and released to her colony. The other was spooked and didn't return.

In puppy news, I have been checking in on a litter of pups born to a mom that was rescued from a foreclosed property, where she was abandoned. The rescuer didn't realize she was pregnant until she whelped five little fuzzballs in the night. Lily (the mama dog) has been a great mother and takes really good care of her brood. They are about five weeks now and all teeth and claws and puppy breath. Best therapy ever! Pictures to come.

I did have an unusual guest for a few days. A Border Collie. Tanner was scheduled to be killed for space at Stanislaus' "shelter." He is young, healthy and has a great temperament. He went to a foster home near Chico, where he will live with a member of the U.S. National Agility Team. I hope to see his furry face on Animal Planet some day at an agility competition. He was definitely smart enough.

As much as I enjoy kittens and puppies, the fact remains that there are not enough homes home in Stanislaus County. I'm beginning to explore the idea of sending animals to other rescues and humane societies. It's a fairly common practice. Some areas have done such a good job with adoptions and spay/neuter programs, they actually have to get adoptable pets from elsewhere. One Northern California humane society that I've worked with gets dogs from as far away as San Diego. Another humane society, located in Oregon, does the same.

It would be wonderful if we could achieve that goal here in Stanislaus. Unfortunately, each year we destroy almost as many animals as Los Angeles County. Finding low-cost spay and neuter services seems to be the biggest hurdle to reducing the overpopulation problem. Time and time again the reason I am given for failure to fix animals is cost. HSSC did not have a March clinic because we couldn't find additional vets to help out. The vets we have used have been amazing, but they and their staff deserved a break.

So, with warmer weather, economic turmoil, foreclosures, and everything else, we have an uphill battle ahead to get on top of the overpopulation crisis. Fortunately. I know of at least 8 kittens, five puppies and a mama dog that won't be adding to it. It's a good start.

Periodically, I will drop by the only dump dog park in Modesto. It's not a "legal" dog park, meaning it is not maintained by the city or county. The field is owned by a church who, despite their generosity in allowing the space to be used, get to watch their once pretty field be abused and destroyed by inconsiderate dog owners.

There were 7 lovely trees to provide shade, but now 5 are dead. The once green and healthy grass has become a wasteland of sand, weeds and litter. Along all the fencelines the weeds are the only things thriving.

Sadly, I barely walked 5 feet before I saw the first of many piles of poop and there was no else there. Shortly after I arrived, a woman backed up her mini-van and let loose 6 dogs, ranging from a tiny chihuahua to a rednose pitbull. Her pitbull did nature's number two and she ignored it. I approached and handed her a poopbag and told her where her dog left a pile.

Here's the interesting part: She walked away from me and when she was about 10 feet away, she raised the poop bag up, waved it and then let it fall. She proceeded to walk past her dog's poop and take up a stance over on the opposite side of the field. What an ass.

I have lived in many cities where there were "legal" dog parks and I have never seen a dog park treated with such utter disdain as this one. I used to drive 30 miles from Fremont to Berkeley in order to enjoy a dog park where the users actually paid attention to their dogs and cleaned up after them. Aggressive dogs were not welcome and neither were people who refused to show a minimum of courtesy.

At the "non-legal" park here, I have seen aggressive, unaltered dogs running around and creating havoc, while the owner(s) acted like they were entitled to this behavior. God forbid you point it out; common courtesy is more of a rarity there.

Locally, there is a group called Friends for Sophia's Dog Park. They have been raising money and lobbying for legal, safe dog parks around the county. Patterson's dog park is scheduled to open this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to a dog park that is clean, well-maintained and safe to enjoy. It's a bit of a drive to go, but it should be worth it, if it meets my expectations.

For now, I will continue to find other ways to exercise my herd. At least my backyard is pretty spacious. And there is a lot less poop.

As for that rude woman at the dog park this morning? I watched one of her dogs hike his leg and pee all over her pants. What goes around, comes around.

I read the BBC News each day and also listen on satellite radio. It's not because I'm a snob, but because some the funniest stuff I have ever seen or heard is from British news and programming. This is the venue that produced Benny Hill, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Fawlty Towers, Dr. Who and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Even the dramas are a riot.

So, of course, when I ran across the story of a British couple that made sweaters out of their dogs hair, I had to share it. Beth and Brian Willis made the sweaters from hair shed out by their Samoyed and Keeshond. Read the story here: "Pair dress in 'dead dog' jumpers"

God save the Queen! No animals were harmed during knitting.